Stuff We Need

If we ran out of stuff we needed, what would happen?

Either aliens would rescue us, or we would all die

Age

What is age anyway?

Age is how long someone has failed to provide us with the meaning of life, cure to cancer, and various other things...I for one am disappointed in a lot of people, seriously how hard is it to build a teleporter!

Nudists

What do you think about nudists?

Well other then my shirt, underwear, pants, hat, sunglasses, socks, and shoes I am completely naked, so they seem cool...

Comedians

Comedians make fun of everyone else, so who makes fun of them?

Well you see they have a special license for making fun of people, but you can get a license to make fun of them, for 500 bucks. Just paypal the money to me and I'll send you the license in a day or two.

Wise Men

Why do wise men always live up on hills by themselves?

Because they are cowards hiding from the world. They realize they can't fix the world's problems and go hide. COWARDS!!!

Peace

Can there ever be peace between eels and crabs?

I've talked to both sides, the eels say they want the crabs to dye themselves green and scream "we want mustard", and the crabs insist that they have no vocal cords to scream with. So the answer is no...I'm afraid some creatures are far too different to ever make peace.

Impulsive Buyer

I'm an implusive buyer and today I bought a boat, but I live in the desert...what do I do?

It's really quite obvious, buy a laboratory and build an awesome storm making machine, then flood the area where you live, then since you are the only guy with a boat charge people to save their lives and bang you got money and a boat, btw sell your house before turning on the machine.

Peanut Butter

What does peanut butter taste like?

Well imagine mixing peanuts and butter together, it tastes like the exact opposite of that, and further research shows that it feels much like a toad.

Ruler of the World

Who really rules the world?

Monkeys banging on typewriters.

Grapes...

Why are grapes purple?

Because they are full of themselves, they think they are like royalty or something...dumb grapes....ugh...I'm better then them...I tell you I am...I am, really!!!